The Problem With Plants
by sjcw99
Summary: Harry and his year mates get a long term Herbology assignment. Laughter ensues, after a while. Please read and review. The second part is the Slytherin's attempt at the same assignment.
1. The Problem with Plants

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. One of the songs used comes from "Little Shop of Horrors". I don't own that either. Basically the only thing I own is the plot and the plant, for all that it's not real.  
  
The Problem with Plants  
  
By sjcw99  
  
Professor Sprout handed out small pots of dirt to each student in her class, while saying, "Each of these pots contains a seed of unknown origin. Well unknown to you, I know perfectly well what they are." She handed Ron the last pot. "The seeds should sprout tonight. Now your assignment is to find out what these little seedlings need to grow. You can take care of your seed wherever you want, whenever you want, and however you want. Keep a record of what you did to the seed and any observations on its growth. You can work in groups, but each person should keep their own records. Once you have figured out what the plants need continue doing whatever it is for a week. Then bring the plants and your records to me for your grade. If you can't figure it out bring the plants and your records to me at the end of the term. Grades will not be based on how well the plant is doing at the end of the term, but on the tactics you used to take care of it. Any questions?"  
  
Neville Longbottom rose his hand, and asked, "Is it safe to take the plants out of the greenhouse, they're not going to turn into man eating pods are they?"  
  
Sprout smiled, "Don't worry, they're perfectly safe to take out of here. If there are no other questions, class dismissed." Sprout left the greenhouse.  
  
Ron was poking at the dirt in his pot, while the others packed up their stuff. "Maybe we could dig up one of the seeds and have Hermione look it up, then we'd know perfectly well what it is and how to take care of it."  
  
Seamus looked thoughtful, "It can't be as simple as that."  
  
Hermione stated, "Of course not, Professor Sprout wants us to learn how to scientifically investigate new plant life. What if, in the future, we run across a new type of plant? And had to take care of it. There won't be any library references on it."  
  
Harry finished putting his things away, "Well, she said that we don't lose points if the plant dies, so as long as we try everything we can think of, we should do ok, even without knowing the type of plant."  
  
"How hard can it be?" Dean stated.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"This is way too hard." Dean complained as he looked at the pathetic shriveled brownish colored plants lining the mantle of the fireplace in the common room. It had been four weeks since Sprout handed out their plants. "We've tried everything that our text suggested for working with new plants, watering with different solutions, changing light colors." He sighed.  
  
"We tried everything that the seventh year text suggested." Hermione said, handing the text back to Ron to return to his brother. "And looking up the plants in the library didn't help either since none of our plants have any identifying features."  
  
"We've asked our relatives for help and got back information that we all ready knew from the books." Ron said, putting the book back in his bag.  
  
"Or messages that state we should be doing our own work and not relying on relatives for help." Neville said.  
  
Harry sighed, "We tried varying the environmental temperature, but that just resulted in quite a few of the other plants in the green house dieing. I'm glad Professor Sprout was able to revive them." That incident resulted in Sprout kicking them and their plants out of the green house.  
  
"Lavender and I tried gazing into our crystal balls to find the answer." Parvati said. "All we got was fog."  
  
"And, finally we tried leaving them alone in an unused room of the castle and this is the result." Seamus gestured towards the plants on the mantle. "I'm out of ideas."  
  
"Ok, so when all of the obvious ideas have been used, what do you do?" Hermione asked rhetorically. Then she answered herself, "You try something else."  
  
Ron rolled his eyes, "No kidding. Gee, I'd of never thought of that one." Then he sighed, "Ok, so what odd things can we do to the plants? Take them flying on broomsticks?"  
  
Harry frowned, "Lets try that one tomorrow when it's light outside. How about actually sticking them in the fire?"  
  
Hermione shook her head, "Someone in Ravenclaw did that already. He had to ask for a new plant. We could try talking to them."  
  
Seamus said, "We have been talking to them. You know, 'Could you please grow? Come on little plant grow for me.' It didn't work either."  
  
Neville suggested, "What about singing? Sprout always sings when she's working in the greenhouse."  
  
Lavender raised an eyebrow, "And just how do you know that?"  
  
Neville blushed slightly and said, "Well, I go back to the greenhouses after lessons sometimes to help her clean up and take care of some of the plants."  
  
"We could try hanging them upside down." Parvati suggested.  
  
"How about throwing them off the roof?" Seamus said.  
  
"I thought you were out of ideas." Harry said. "Forget the roof, let's throw them at the Slytherins."  
  
Ron grinned evilly, "Let's feed the Slytherins to them. We haven't tried blood. Maybe that'll work."  
  
"Now Harry and Ron, Sprout said that these plants weren't dangerous at all. Throwing them at people or feeding people to them would make them dangerous." Hermione said patiently.  
  
Parvati muttered quietly, "Feeding them blood won't work." Everyone looked at her in astonishment. "What? I didn't try it. Did anyone else notice that Goyle was missing in Care of Magical Creatures today? According to my sister, who heard it from Cho, who heard from someone else, who got the information directly from a Slytherin, who wasn't there to see it but."  
  
"Just tell us already!" Ron and Harry yelled.  
  
"Oh, well anyway Malfoy thought of the blood idea, because one of his father's plants needs to be feed human blood on a regular basis or something like that. So he told Crabbe to give the plant some blood. Crabbe cut one of his hands and dribbled blood on Malfoy's plant. According to my sources, it didn't work."  
  
"Umm.Parvati. What does that have to do with Goyle?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Right. Goyle couldn't stand the sight of blood and passed out. He's still in the hospital wing." Parvati finished. "So blood won't work on the plants."  
  
"Right so after that exciting bed time story, let's just give up for the night. We can deal with this more in the morning." Ron suggested.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Later that night, Harry woke up. Someone had just opened the door that lead down to the common room. Harry quietly got out of bed and followed. He stayed in the stairwell while the person headed towards the plants on the mantle.  
  
Dean, who hadn't been able to sleep, took his plant down off the mantle and carried it over to one of the chairs. He sat the plant down on a table and whispered, "Well it's worth a try. Isn't it? Even if it is silly." He started singing softly.  
  
"I've given you sunshine  
  
I've given you dirt  
  
You've given me nothing  
  
But heartache and hurt  
  
I'm begging you sweetly  
  
I'm down on my knees  
  
Oh please - grow for me"  
  
Harry tried to hold back laughter as he watched Dean try to convince the plant to grow through song. A snicker sounded from behind him. Dean didn't hear it and kept singing. Harry turned around to see Ron, Neville and Seamus standing in the stairwell behind him. Ron whispered, "Is it working?" Harry shrugged. "I don't know. He just started singing. But if he names that plant Audrey two, I'm going to worry."  
  
Seamus laughed out loud and the singing stopped. Ron and Neville looked confused. "Audrey Two?" They asked in unison.  
  
"It's from a Muggle musical." Dean explained, having moved to the stairwell to see who was making noise.  
  
"About a plant that eats people. The plant's owner couldn't figure out what to feed it at first, kind of like us with these plants." Harry added. "Well did the singing work?"  
  
The boys left the stair well and looked at the plant. It looked a little greener. "Hey, maybe singing works." Seamus said. "Keep singing, Dean."  
  
Dean looking slightly embarrassed did so.  
  
"I've tried you at levels of moisture  
  
From desert to mud  
  
I've given you grow lights  
  
And mineral supplements  
  
What do you want from me - blood?"  
  
Ron laughed and commented, "How about Slytherin blood? How about it little plant? Draco Malfoy as a main course with a little Crabbe as a side and Goyle for dessert. Even if it didn't work for Malfoy, we haven't tried it yet."  
  
Everyone laughed. Neville, who had been watching the plant intently, suddenly commented. "Look, it's growing." The little, now completely green plant was growing right before there eyes. "Someone sing something else."  
  
Harry took a deep breath and sang a little off key,  
  
"I'm a little teapot  
  
Short and stout  
  
Here is my handle  
  
Here is my spout.  
  
When I get all steamed up hear me shout  
  
Tip me over and pour me out."  
  
The boys held their breaths and watched the plant closely. Nothing happened. Suddenly the common room filled with laughter. Hermione, Lavender, and Parvati entered the room, nearly tripping over their own feet from laughing. Harry looked a little hurt. "Hey if you think you can sing better, then go ahead. See if you can get it to grow more then that." He pointed to the plant on the table, which had started to grow again, little vines were shooting off the main plant.  
  
Hermione got control of her laughter and said, "Ok, here's a little song dedicated to our little teapot."  
  
"Boom, Boom ain't it great to be crazy  
  
Boom, Boom ain't it great to be nuts  
  
Silly and foolish all day through  
  
Boom, Boom ain't it great to be crazy."  
  
Everyone laughed. Seamus looked at the other plants and said, "All the plants have grown. Look, they look completely healthy.  
  
Suddenly Neville let out a startled yelp. "Help! The plant, it's got me." The plant on the table had wrapped a vine around Neville's arm. Hermione gently extracted his arm.  
  
Ron commented, "Maybe it is a man eating plant, quick go get Malfoy."  
  
Hermione glared at Ron, "How many times do I have to tell you that the plants don't need blood or human flesh to thrive. Didn't you listen to Professor Sprout at all? Or Parvati for that matter."  
  
Harry interrupted before a fight could break out. "Guys calm down. Hermione, I'm sure Ron was just joking. Right Ron?" Ron just scowled.  
  
Lavender shrieked, "Look at the plants. When you started fighting they started to shrivel again."  
  
"I've got it!" Neville said excitedly. The plant next to him started to reach vines towards him. "It's not the singing. It's the emotions."  
  
Everyone looked a bit confused at this announcement. Neville continued, "We've been complaining about the plants ever since we got them. Those are negative emotions. But our laugher was positive. And look at the plants now, they're all growing towards me, because I'm excited because I finally figured it out."  
  
The rest soon caught on. "That's way to simple. But it makes sense, I suppose." Seamus said.  
  
Hermione added, "Professor Sprout's always telling us that a little laughter goes along way. Why didn't I see it?"  
  
A week later eight triumphant Gryfindors entered the greenhouse with eight green healthy plants in hand. In the middle of each plant was a single white daisy; the center of which contained a bright yellow smiley face. Sprout looked up from the flowerbed she was tending and smiled, "So you've figured out my Have a Nice Day plants. 20 points to Gryfindor for being the first to do it."  
  
The End  
  
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed the story. 


	2. The Slytherin Sequel

Disclaimer: I still don't own the Harry Potter universe.  
  
The Problem with Plants: The Slytherin Sequel  
  
By: sjcw99  
  
Draco Malfoy waited for Professor Sprout to finish her spiel about the plants they were to take care of for the term. It really didn't matter to him. He picked up the key phrases of the assignment "work in groups" and "keep records". Therefore someone else could do the work and Draco would take credit for it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
For three weeks, Draco and his henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle, left their plants in the Slytherin common room. They occasionally took notes on what was happening to the plants, which wasn't much of anything. Draco padded his records with the accounts of others. A seventh year entered the common room snickering. "You won't believe what I just saw." He said.  
  
Draco looked up from writing down that sticking the plant in fire didn't work. He'd gotten that information from a Ravenclaw student. Sprout wouldn't have a clue that he didn't actually do the work himself. He asked, "What?"  
  
"The Gryfindors just got kicked out of the greenhouses. Apparently they were messing with the temperature controls and killed a bunch of Sprout's plants with heat. I saw them walking dismally back to the castle with those plants in hand. Their plants don't look much better then yours." The seventh year headed to his room still snickering.  
  
Draco smiled he just got a more information to put into his record. He realized that he didn't have to actually do anything to the plant. He just had to make his write up convincing enough, so Sprout would think he was actually doing the work. He revised his record to read, "During week three, the subject plant was placed near a heat source a small amount of growth was observed (see chart 3). The subject was moved closer and closer to the heat source. No new growth was observed. The experiment was dropped when the subject started to wilt, so as to avoid burning up the subject."  
  
A few days later, Draco and Crabbe were in the common room looking at their plants. Crabbe, showing a brief moment of brainpower, said, "No one else's ideas are working. Maybe we should come up with an idea of our own?"  
  
Draco replied with, "I know, why don't I come up with my own idea for dealing with the plants. Let's see, my father keeps plants at home, there's one that he has to feed with blood once a month. Crabbe!"  
  
Crabbe looked at Draco, "Huh?"  
  
Draco handed Crabbe a pocketknife. "Give the plant some blood." He ordered. Crabbe took the knife and looked at Draco blankly. Draco nearly exploded at Crabbe's stupidity. "Take the knife and cut your hand. Let the blood dribble over the plant. I'd do it myself, but I wouldn't want to mess up my hand. Not with a quidditch match coming up."  
  
Crabbe took the knife and followed Draco's orders. Draco watched the plant intensely, nothing happened. In fact the plant seemed to droop even more. Crabbe meanwhile was clutching his bleeding hand against his chest. He started shouting, "Help! My hand won't stop bleeding. Do something."  
  
Draco ignored him, and continued to ponder the plant situation. Goyle heard Crabbe's shouting and entered the common room. The moment he saw the blood being soaked into Crabbe's shirt, he turned a sickly shade of green and passed out. As he fell he hit the table with the plants on it. One of the plants fell over and Draco ended up with a lapful of fertilized plant mud. He jumped up, spilling dirt on the carpet, and ordered, "Crabbe, you imbecile, go up to the hospital wing and take Goyle with you. When you get back the two of you can clean up this mess you caused."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
More then a week after the blood incident, Draco entered the common room infuriated. He threw his bag into a chair and hit Goyle, who was sitting in the chair. Both Goyle and Crabbe moved away from Draco as he fumed, "Those stinking Gryfindors have figured it out! And the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws claim that they've only got two and three more days, respectively, of observation left. We can't be the last of the houses to figure it out. Which means we need to find out how to make the plant thrive by tonight, and falsify our records to show that we've had it for a while."  
  
Crabbe asked, "How are we going to do that?"  
  
"Stupid, we're going to break into Sprout's office and steal the Gryfindor's records. Then we'll know what they know." Draco said, matter- of-factly. "Let's go now. Everyone else is going to lunch."  
  
Goyle and Crabbe didn't want to miss lunch, but figured they could miss one meal as long as Draco stopped yelling. The three boys walked down to Sprout's office and waited around the corner until she left for lunch. Draco grinned, this was going to be one of the easiest assignments he did since he got to Hogwarts. He gestured for Crabbe to open the door. To their surprise, the door was unlocked. Draco whispered to the others, "Get in there. Hurry up and find the records, and Sprout's class planner, we might as well find out what she's got up her sleeve for the rest of the term. I'll keep watch by the door, in case she comes back."  
  
In reality, Draco didn't want to accidentally leave any evidence that he'd been in the office. He stayed just outside the door, as the other two went in and started rummaging through Sprout's things. It took them a few minutes, but they found the records and Sprout's assignment planner. They headed towards the door to leave. The second they crossed the threshold something strange happened. The vines surrounding the doorframe started moving and twined themselves around all three boys before they could run off. Draco struggled to no avail. He was stuck and he couldn't get his wand out of his pocket to try any spells. Crabbe and Goyle were calling for help.  
  
Four hours later, Sprout was walking towards her office when she heard a couple of hoarse voices calling for help, and one loud commanding voice telling someone to "Shut up, so I can think of a way out of this mess, before were caught with the records."  
  
Sprout turned the corner and saw that her guardian plant had wound itself around Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle. Crabbe was clutching a few roles of parchment in his hand, while Goyle had a small book in his hand. Sprout cleared her voice and said, "Well, what do we have here? Three would be thieves, or innocent victims of a clinging plant?"  
  
Draco opened his mouth to make up some excuse, but a vine quickly muffled his voice. Sprout looked at the boys and said, "I doubt you're innocent, because that's the Gryfindor's plant reports and my assignment book. This does not look good. My guardian plant only catches people that try to take things out of my office and their assistants. Ten points from Slytherin apiece, and all three of you get detention. Since this is considered cheating, I expect to see all three of your plants and whatever records you have on them, in my office by tomorrow morning, you have just failed this assignment."  
  
Sprout took the papers and the book from Crabbe and Goyle. The moment the objects were out of the boy's hands the plant released all three of them. "It is rather easy to figure out how to get away from this plant, just like it's simple to figure out the Have a Nice Day plants I handed out. However when you look for an even easier way out, you end up making things harder. "  
  
The End  
  
Notes: Thanks to Fictitous for reviewing the first story. It's my first review ever. 


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